a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








Against Me


I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone all day today. I have been wanting to go to school. Almost begging my Dad to take me in. See, I woke up this morning to a blizzard. Not fun. So this means, I can't drive myself to school. Let's just say my car wouldn't make it. (I got to get a pic of her in here so you can all have a good laugh about that one.) So anyway yea, I knew I couldn't drive so I wanted him to take me. I do not know what is driving me to this educational revolution I am experiencing. But I don't know, I am doing really good. For the first time in a long time. It's just a weird feeling for me, because I am such an all-around failure. I guess that's why I want to go to school. And the reason I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone is because, wanting to go to school, was just never something I felt, it's always been more of like a feeling of obligation, you know? Strange...

In other news I had a dream about him last nite. (If you don't know, read this and this.) It hurt so much to wake up with his face carved into my mind. March 28th will be a year. A year, it's hard to believe it's been that long. Sometimes, I think I am getting better everyday about it. Other times, it's just sad. It's kind of like I need to find someone new, but I am so disgustingly busy all the time that that option seems almost impossible. And all the guys I have dated since him can't compare. I think I might be alone forever and every minute that passes I think the odds are getting stacked higher and higher against me...


written on 2003-03-06 at 2:46 p.m.

she / lost