a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








three


He called at 9:44 I think, or 9:54 & I did good. I didn't call him back. It is frustrating. We had plans to hang out yesterday & he never called me; worse yet he didn't bother returning my phone call until tonite, late tonite at that. Regardless, he called & maybe it shouldn't but it does renew my hope that maybe something might come of this. Yes, I know 'how many times will this foolish girl put her hand on the hot stove?' The thing is that I am simply not a sadist, I don't like pain, I don't like getting 'burned.' Call me naive, (call me a bloody, fucking idiot is probably more appropriate) but I have to keep trying.

It's like I know what could happen & I know what probably will happen, but I have to try. I mean if I don't then I might as well not live. As corny as it sounds, the truth is that there is no pleasure without pain; no reward without challenge; no love without loss.

Enough philosophy, here's the bare bones. I promised myself I would not call him until Wednesday, even if he called (which he did) & I plan to stay true to my word. This really isn't my style, but there needs to be change to make way for progress. So I guess I'm just going to have to show him that two can play this game.


written on 2003-07-20 at 7:46 p.m.

she / lost