a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








s.w.a.k.


& the truth is that i have run dry. it's as if i never was a ticking clock, simply always a bullet hole. taking up space & wasting time with nothing. & now that one, two, three has passed i doubt the coming of four & deny that five will ever exist. oh, sweet five, you are the only one i ever wanted. & yes this is all nonsense slipping out from under these useless hands. & lately i've only been writing the old-fashioned way; [pen to paper / paper to pen] because that is the way i can hide it from you & the world.

so very painful are the glares, are the stares, are the looks, that i receive from the girl in the mirror looking back at me. & right now i disgust myself more than i could have ever imagined. some of my worst fears have come true before my very eyes & it hurts deep down where it shouldn't hurt.

& it seems like this my loves; the higher that we climb, always all the harder we shall fall.

sealed with a [[bloody]] kiss.


written on 2003-08-20 at 10:22 p.m.

she / lost