a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








beckon


if there was a word to describe the way that the world looks at me i wonder what it would be. & then again i wonder what way it is that i look at the world. beaten paths are glowing in darkness beckoning us to take a midnite stroll. fear of consequence holds me back [or maybe it's fear of happiness.] either way i find myself in stagnant waters as per usual.

maybe if he could just slice me open from the center of my throat straight down to the bottom of my torso, all would be revealed. the black bugs would crawl out & pink butterflies would flutter u p w a r d s & the fears & the hopes would trickle down & out in tiny creeks of revelation.

i'm surrounding myself with most every beautiful thing i can get my greedy hands on; all the while denying the inevitable truths that float around me like determined dragon flies. it's very difficult to take a step forwards when you have dyslexia of the feet you know. my mind just sees the paths before me backwards & that's the way i am prone to go. it's the only way that i [know how to go] / [will let myself go.]

everything is tainted. everything.


written on 2003-08-15 at 11:17 p.m.

she / lost