if i knew why i was a hypocrite, perhaps i wouldn't be one at all. the thought of my own death is not as comforting to me tonite, although i've not gained something to live for. i don't know whether to be ashamed or amused at the simple details that can make me so happy.
guilt for my happiness & the overwhelming fear that lights up the back of my mind like an inferno, the fear that everything is not going to be alright. enjoy it until the laughter shatters.
written on 2003-06-23 at 1:12 a.m.
she / lost