a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








border line


hope looks dim right now. i think i saw -him- today. i have to start taking the bus to school now because my car is dead. i will have to start walking to work. i do not know what is going on with the war. i watched president bush and prime minister blair speak at camp david today. i am disgusted. not with them. the people who keep blaming this whole bit on bush are getting a little old now. yes i know he is stupid, i know his mom looks like a man, i know he wants oil.. yada yada yada fucking yada... people keep dying. they were dying before we went into iraq. i just don't understand human nature at all. i don't understand how i could be so completely self-absorbed and devastated right now about the fact that i am borderline poverty struck (well that's a bit of an overstatement) while there are thousands of people dying out there everyday. while every 8 seconds a woman in america gets raped. while 5,000 children died last year of starvation in iraq. i think you're getting the picture. i hate myself a million times, i hate myself. but the more i think about it, i hate myself even more because of how selfish i am. but in a couple hours i won't be thinking about others, i will be thinking about me. i will think about how broke i am. and how pissed the fuck off i am that my transmission is dead. about how every person i have ever loved has lied to me and betrayed me. about how unpretty i truly am, in every sense of the word.

i just do not understand human nature. i can't.


written on 2003-03-27 at 7:56 p.m.

she / lost