I don't know. I hate dreams like that. I was thinking today about the fact that I haven't had sex in almost a year. Why haven't I had sex in almost a year, oh ... right because last time I did I got my heart broken and I do not want to get hurt again. See, but then I have these dreams, like last nite. These sort of intimate, sexual dreams that seem so good. Like they seem like they could make me happy. Maybe I should just start having casual sex? I know I would never do that though.. I just couldn't.
My best friend is having a huge party tonite at a hotel for Christmas. Everyone is there. Not me. Why? In April I got arrested for underage drinking at *ding ding* a hotel party. So obviously, that's just not a good situation for me. Plus, as much as I love most of my friends there are a few in there who just do fucking too many drugs, and I am kind of getting sick of it. I am going to get in trouble for their shit. So anyway, it sucks that I'm home and they're all out partying right now.
Two of my other guy friends also asked me to hang out tonite, but I said no. I have been so anti-social lately it's disgusting. I really sat around all day and did nothing.
Tomorrow my family has this huge day planned out. We basically never, ever do anything as a family except for holidays. But tomorrow, we're getting up at the ass crack of dawn.. which is well 8:30 (okay that's the ass crack of dawn for me on a weekend only) and we're going to get breakfast. Then we are meeting up with my aunt and cousins and my other cousin and his fiance to go bowling. Then we are going to my grandprents for their anniversary. I can't believe this shit the only day I spent with my family in the past 6 months was probably Thanksgivng and now all of a sudden we're like the fucking Brady Bunch.
Anyway, I am going to finish my cigarette and go to bed, probably watch some TV (so exciting!!) Nite.
written on 2002-12-14 at 10:16 p.m.
she / lost