so come here, close to me. touch my hand. ignore the chill. let it flow from me to you. let it ride through yr body. are you feeling it yet? razor blades in yr blood stream. glass breaking screams. throbbing. you can not forget. room spinning. razor blades sliding down from yr throat to yr belly button. slitting, cutting, slashing everything in their path.
quick pull yr hand away. you can not take it. it's all a distant memory now. let me hold you, i'm sorry. you spit on my apologies. you back away. you don't want to touch me. you don't want me to touch you. you keep backing away. & i'm screaming. don't fucking leave me. but you're afraid, no, you can not handle it.
i will fall to the ground. my face in my hands, my hands to my knees. rock myself back & forth & forth & back. rock myself to sleep. i will slip into unconsciousness & i will forget for a little while: but you, you will not forget. i exposed me. i let you see the truth & you left. for that you won't forget, you will never forget.
maybe today is the day that the music died. or wait, maybe it was me?
written on 2004-01-16 at 12:31 a.m.
she / lost