& then i went upstairs. i took the pills that i have to take every morning. three pills. effexor - anxiety. orthotricyclen - birth control. fioricet - headaches. & really i don't think of it anymore it's automatic.
& this morning was the first time in a very long time that i didn't have to work. so after i took my medicine i went back to sleep.
& when later i woke up. visions of a dream scarred onto the back of my eyelids. he loved me. i remembered it clearly & i believed that it happened. he loved me hard & then i drew in breath & saw the sunlite & i realized 'it was just a dream.'
& more than anything at this very moment this life of mine is like a captivating novel & i want to fucking know what will happen next. but i can't. i am stuck here. waiting in limbo. the room is too dark & i can not read the letters, the words, nor the pages. i want to know;; i have to wait.
written on 2004-01-06 at 11:37 p.m.
she / lost