a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








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i really feel like i have nothing to say. i really feel empty. & i apologize for pointless words, but you can not expect beauty to come out from behind split, bloody, bruised lips. you simply can not expect it. & i know that you were never in my arms; but somehow i miss it. see what dreams can do, annihilate the human psyche until dreams cross with reality & you think that maybe you were happy once. it hurts so much more when you have to realize you weren't.

don't you see what i mean? i can not speak words to you. i can not speak pretty words, or meaningful words, or words at all because they are not within me and mostly because you are so very far away. i am breaking inside. i am collapsing outside. i am ready to bring a gun to my temple & to hold my breath & to count to five & to say goodbye cruel world & mommy i am sorry & to

j u s t

p u l l

t h e

f u c k i n g

t r i g g e r.

that's all it would take.


written on 2003-11-02 at 12:46 a.m.

she / lost