i am watching my veins collapse, one by one. my skin is turning heather grey & my lips are fading from pink to cold, icy blue. i'm running, but the blood is fleeting quickly & my heart rate is slowing down. i look down at my wrists & the little blue streams, they're disappearing so quickly. [nothing left to slit;; this is the moment i've been waiting for.] & so i just keep running, because i know i am not going to get anywhere, because i never do, because i don't care anymore. i start vomiting & all at once it's like a relief.
i feel myself falling up to the ground, to the heavens, to the nothingness. it all falls away & i say my thank you;s & good bye;s as the last of my blood seeps into the dirt. it's the circle of life, of death.
i will never glisten. it wasn't meant to be that way.
written on 2003-10-22 at 11:21 p.m.
she / lost