a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








[[[fuck]]] ;;everyone . .. . .. .


nothing left to do [but erase.] veins, so clogged up with greasy chunks of hatred. blood pushed, forced to the surface of the skin; oozing out the pores. happy, smiling faces make my stomach churn. i would rather have decaying body parts eaten off by maggots than to be like them. walking around with pretentious smiles & nice cars & expensive clothes & fuck all of them; fuck every last one.

if only i could show the world. let the world feel how bad your eyes can hurt. how dry they feel after crying hour after hour after hour after hour after hour a f t e r h o u r a f t e r h o u r. as if somebody spent the nite dragging tiny razor blades across those blood shot veins surrounding my pupils. tiny rivers of loneliness, lost hope. they do not know despair. they do not know, have never known, will never know pain;; not until they have walked a mile in our shoes.

false: no one will love you until you love yourself.

true: i will not let anyone love me because i do not love myself.

they make me sick. [[sicker than sick to my stomach. there simply are no words.]]


written on 2003-09-13 at 10:20 p.m.

she / lost