a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








this is it


this is school. this is where we learn. this is where i get sick looking at the hundreds of sheep. this is where i get judged. this is where the way you look matters. this is where your intelect should, but does not always matter. this is where i get compliments for my pretty words. this is where all of my english teachers worship me. this is where i worship boys studying philosophy. this is where i fight back tears because they make me take contemporary math & i have always been incapable of doing math & we all know that this math class will fuck up my gpa. this is where i think about [him] & how hard he apologized.

& this is where it ends.

I have been thinking about everything as of late. The more I think the more confused I get. & I find solace when I write words that are 'as iridescent as a prism in a morning room.'

& that is the only time i am content. & i want more. i want to find a crystal spring that bleeds happiness so i can share it with you all. i want to make changes. i want to stop hurting. i want to stop you all from hurting. if only we could find light among the ever burning inferno of blackness in which we are trapped.

if only, if only . . .


written on 2003-09-05 at 10:32 a.m.

she / lost