i told [him] my secrets & he hasn't spoken to me since. i don't know what that means. maybe i scared him. but that's okay because i didn't love him & i don't think i ever could have. it took some time to realize that it wouldn't work the way it was going. i wanted to give up on love & just accept that it didn't exist. i wanted to just try & be content with what i had. but i couldn't. my previous intentions suit me best, i will be forever alone before settling for something that i don't really want.
today my being is filled with acquiescence. i am tacitly accepting the sadness, the hope, the dismay, the doubt, the unrelenting wonder. nothing is good & nothing is bad. it's all relative today.
written on 2003-09-02 at 4:13 p.m.
she / lost