a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








only floating


school starts tomorrow. it's so cold today. september second. not so hard to believe; contrary to what i've been hearing/saying. it hasn't been this wet & cold outside in a very, very long time. this past season has been so hot sticky humid. it made me forget what it felt like to be cold. now this cold rain is sending so many chills through my body that it hurts.

i told [him] my secrets & he hasn't spoken to me since. i don't know what that means. maybe i scared him. but that's okay because i didn't love him & i don't think i ever could have. it took some time to realize that it wouldn't work the way it was going. i wanted to give up on love & just accept that it didn't exist. i wanted to just try & be content with what i had. but i couldn't. my previous intentions suit me best, i will be forever alone before settling for something that i don't really want.

today my being is filled with acquiescence. i am tacitly accepting the sadness, the hope, the dismay, the doubt, the unrelenting wonder. nothing is good & nothing is bad. it's all relative today.


written on 2003-09-02 at 4:13 p.m.

she / lost