all around me are false pretenses. i want to run away but i've got no strength. there is something inside of me. eating away at me from the inside out.
you can almost see the bone on my fingertips. i've been scratching at these concrete walls for so long. trying to climb my way out.
i used to remember my dreams. i haven't lately & i don't know why. maybe it's easier that way. it's easier not having to wake up every day & feel the cold clamor of reality smack & shatter your jaw, knock out a few teeth. no more cleaning up small pools of blood on the white floors anymore, yes, maybe it's easier this way.
i just want to fall in love. i want to fall over & over again. slip & slide through rainbow fields & bounce on cotton candy clouds. i just want to feel wanted.
two drills on either temple, forcing their way in. the pain does not stop.
written on 2003-06-21 at 1:08 a.m.
she / lost