a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








plead


like i swallowed a blade. drank a gallon of gasoline & struck a match inside my mouth.

it's not too hard to make me happy, but no body wants to take that job.

asked me for a description of the thief who stole my childhood. razor blades, nicotine dreams, the day i found out i was a mistake, rape, rope, pills, depression, loss of reality. ask me again bitch. careful this time baby. you can't chew your own tongue off twice.

i know what it would take to make me happy. & that is what makes me so pathetic. i can kick the motherfucking blame from here to anywhere, but it will always come right back to hit me between the eyes.

going to fall asleep on a cloud of false illusion. going to slice myself in half & watch the blood fall away towards the sun. watch my broken heart spill onto the cold ground.

somebody please make it stop.




written on 2003-06-18 at 12:54 a.m.

she / lost