i am not cruel or heartless, i am simply broken. i had a heart once. a bright red happy thing that i wore on the sleeve of my shirt. full of hope, full of love. oh how my heart would shine. a radiant beam of warmth, a willingness, a longing to love & be loved. but then it was maimed, mangled, mutilated. damaged, injured & disfigured by beating & abuse. my happy heart is gone. all that is left is a dark, shadowy void & some shattered pieces on the dirty ground.
i fear i am too far gone now. too far adrift on my own sea of despair to let anyone in ever, ever again. and i am running as always. torn between myself & reality. i am ripping at the seams.
written on 2003-06-02 at 2:29 p.m.
she / lost