a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








ashamed, I know


eternal suffering. bright pain. I can never describe the burning, ripping sensation. a thousand stabs and all I can feel is ashamed. never sorrow for me. never sorry, only shame. lack of progress, painful repetition. no sign of hope, no sign of help. abandoned. am I dripping poison or blood? chunky liquid running, sliding, eating through my flesh.

maybe the hippies didn't shave because they were like me. maybe they didn't trust themselves with razors.

I've never been a drug addict, but I know what it's like to go through withdrawal. I've never been an alcoholic, but I know what it's like to need. I've never been dead, but I know what it's like to die.


written on 2003-05-16 at 10:30 p.m.

she / lost