I am starting to fear this silence that I have grown to love for so long.
Nothing has changed, no. I just can not decide whether this unending head ache is just a cover up. A distraction, to keep me from thinking about the...
Do you know how close it came to there being a baby? Maybe only in my mind. Do you know how he dreaded it? Have you any idea how it made me feel to know that he stayed home the nite before. He "didn't go out with his friends." He "couldn't." He "stayed home and prayed all nite."
FUCK YOU. You ruined me and you do not know it.
I am looking out a dark window. Watching water slip down the clear, clear glass in sheets. I can hear the rain pounding down on the ground and beating my heart. Lightning flashing, reflecting in my teary eyes. Thunder pounding in the distance and pounding my heart. But it's not raining outside.
written on 2003-05-04 at 8:34 p.m.
she / lost