a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








to breathe or to fight


it really feels like there are big hands around my throat right now. squeezing as tightly as they can. it is as if i do not know whether to try and breathe or to try and fight the vomit. and the air is starting to stop. i am choking on nothing. it's like something is popping and leaking. is that blood?

i do see how things can get worse. i am sorry for being ungrateful. i just yearn to be happy. why can't i be happy?

why am i so mother fucking pathetic? i am the only one who is to be blamed, because i am nothing. i am nothing other than fucking pathetic. that's all i am.


written on 2003-04-28 at 11:30 p.m.

she / lost