Yesterday I went to New York for my grandfather's birthday party. My mom, dad, sister and I left yesterday morning and met up with my aunts, uncles and cousins and grandfather for some bowling. Meanwhile my mom and grandma were at my grandparent's house making lunch. So we all bowled, well I watched, but everyone else bowled and then we all went to the house for lunch and cake.
I got a chance to talk to my grandfather, which is something I have wanted to do for awhile. With the impending war and everything else, I have had alot of questions for him. I value everyone's opinions but he has been through a war. We talked for about a half hour. He told me about the atrocities that he witnessed in Korea. He told me a story about how he was walking thorugh a field and he got a call on his radio saying, "Sergeant, you are in a mine field." So what they would do in those situations is get down on their knees with their bayonetts out in front of them, scanning the ground for land mines. But the thing was that 90% of the time they wouldn't have time to do this because they would be discovered and get struck from an over-head attack. So he decided to just keep on walking. He said to his men, "Just step where I step." He led them right out of that mine field. Never stepped on a land mine, he said that the Lord got him through it, showed him where to step. A few hours later another squad went through the mine field and got blown to smithereens.
Then he went on to tell me a few other stories. It's funny because as I grew up I always hated when my grandfather would start telling me stories. Yesterday, I was finding hope in them, a hope that I haven't had in a long time.
I said to him, "What about all the people who say we shouldn't go to war?" He told me that there were always alot of people who didn't think we should go to war, but if we hadn't, Hitler would still be around and he named many other horrible world leaders that we have had to take out of power.
He told me that I just have to keep God first. He said, "Keep the Lord first and all else will follow." I've never been a very religous person. I mean I have grown up Catholic and I go to church on Easter and Christmas. And I say my prayers every nite. And I do a rosary when I am scared. But this weekend I actually went to church. Not for a holiday, just to go. And I think I am going to keep going every weekend.
I know that religion is an opiate, but I have no where else to turn right now. And even if I did, I think I still might turn to God. It is no excuse for this war. After everything that we spoke about yesterday I still can't say that I think this war is justified. But what it comes down to is that it is not my decision. It is not the decision of alot of the people who have something to say about it. So maybe it's time that some of us realize that.
I read a great piece last nite by Matt Ferrara all about why we shouldn't go to war and why Bush is an egotistical, psychotic, maniac, etc. etc. Basically he wrote a letter to Bush explaining a bunch of things about how he personally felt about the upcoming war and some other things, including the fact that Bush's mother looks like a man.. Anyway, other than some of the stupid and insulting things he said in there he made alot of really valid points. He is definitely a good writer, that was the first thing that I ever read of his, it was good.
All and all it was just another one of the hundreds of millions of letters of oppositions. I give people credit for all of it. I really do, but the more and more of them I see, it seems like the more heated up Bush is getting. I could be wrong.. I could be wrong about everything..
This has just turned out to be a long confusing entry of me venting. Again I don't really think I have accomplished anything here, but, ehh.. atleast I got some stuff off my chest.
written on 2003-03-17 at 11:24 a.m.
she / lost