I think that all of my defense mechanisms are starting to get the best of me.
So awhile back, I met this guy named Joe online. One day Kristyn was at my house and ended up talking to him online while I was eating dinner. They really got along I guess, had a lot of stuff in common. They ended up hanging out one time. At first I was honestly a little offended by the whole thing. Not because, I cared about him or anything, but just because Kristyn wasn't telling me about it.. and just by reading her diary entries I figured it all out. Anyway, eventually I just accepted the whole idea because if he made her happy, that was really all that mattered in my book. So her formal for her sorority is Saturday and he was going to go with her. Well now all of a sudden, he likes this new girl, and it turns out he lied to her about a bunch of shit and he is ignoring her. Well she is pissed. I really can't blame her. The only thing is, is that she didn't know him that well, and I think she tried to move things a little too fast. But her and I have that tendency... we always do it. And we always get hurt.
This whole weekend has just been one slap in the face after another for me. Steven got out of jail a couple of months ago and now he is calling me again. He wrote me when he was locked up, confessing all these feelings for me and shit. I never wrote him back, although he asked me to. I am sorry but he is just not someone I need in my life. I am in college and I work. I work my ass off everyday. I don't need someone in my life who can't stay out of jail, let alone hold down a job.
Then, my old friend Joe ( a different Joe, ) has been up my ass. He has a girlfriend. A serious girlfriend. Him and I were together in the beginning of the summer I guess. And things just went downhill. We have been friends for a long time, like I had a crush on him when I was a sophmore in highschool. But at this point I just want to be friends with him. Well, he is intent on hooking up with me. It seems that he won't take no for an answer, so I have avoided him. Well last nite he told me that "we have unfinished business, I just don't want to never know what could have been." Well he really aggrivated me with that one. For God's sake he has a girlfriend and he bought her a star for Christmas and named it after her. I told him "I can only offer you friendship right now." I think he said something like whatever. He is ridiculous. The funny part is that I do not know that things would be any different even if he was single. I don't know.
So the final thing I want to talk about is the mystery guy in my NAH class. Wow, he is the 3rd guy in college so far that I have experienced love at first sight with. HAHA. Funny how so far, no one has returned me affections. Well, with this guy I hope things will be different although I am sure they won't. But I have been telling everybody that I want to try and talk to him today in class. I really want to, but honestly I just don't think I will have the courage. Usually I start talking to people through e-mail. With this guy, I don't even know his name!!! So I will see how it all goes.
I have to go study now because I have to meet Kristyn at 12:15 and it's 11:36. Wish me luck with my test and the guy... Lord knows I need it...
written on 2003-02-11 at 11:02 a.m.
she / lost