a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








infinite trial ?


If I knew all the answers... If I was to relive my life, knowing everything that I know now, would I change a thing, could I change a thing? Because I can't seem to stop thinking about the what if's? What if I had been smarter? What if I had been stronger? What if I had been prettier? I can't seem to get over these questions. And there are a thousand more.

And they're not going to stop coming until I am what I want to be, what I need to be. God knows that I am trying, but not hard enough. I am ashamed of myself. Or am I just striving towards an impossible dream? Walking on a treadmill towards a fantasy, that I will never reach. Just walking with outstrectched hands forever, never getting to touch the fruits of my labor.

Well, atleast I'm focusing on me...

written on 2003-01-29 at 8:37 a.m.

she / lost