my soul is a body of water & at the bottom there are victims, drowned & bloated. i never meant to scare, to offend, to leave.
my weaknesses are my strengths. how the lights flash when i close my eyes. the sky, the moon, tonite, it was a sliver, it was red. the moon can be a deep orangey-red. see how things can change, from white to blood. i shoot my heroin in the disguise of a tall, white bottle with a sunset & two palms. i've been shooting it for awhile.
the mind plays tricks & leads one to believe that sadness equals loneliness. what does it take to get to the truth, to get to the heart of the matter? i always wanted to make someone happy, some one else. now i know, that i can not make anyone else happy, for i myself have not found happiness. you can not share what you do not know. it makes perfect sense.
everything is going numb, the pain in my neck fades. my body is crying, but the poison seethes & hushes the screams. maybe one day, i will have the courage, the strength to apologize, to make these wrongs right. but for tonite, i will just go to sleep in this haze, in this self-induced comatose haze.
this is ecstasy, this is inability to think or care or walk. this is a dangerous game; i am too far gone to care.
written on 2004-11-14 at 11:15 p.m.
she / lost