a little bit of a resurrection
my life journal: cutmedown








can't go


it's been a long december and there's reason to believe / maybe this year will be better than the last / i can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving / now the days go by so fast / drove up to hillside manor sometime after two a.m. / & talked a little while about the year / i guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower, makes you talk a little lower / about the things you could not show her

& it's been a long december and there's reason to believe / maybe this year will be better than the last /

i can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself / to hold on to these moments as they pass

counting crows - long december

this girl, she's been threatening to kill herself for so long now. she just never knew that she was dying all along. taking in deadly breath after deadly breath of cold air. letting ice fill pink lungs. letting black fill pink lungs for the first time in a long time.

this girl, she doesn't make resolutions anymore. her hands are too cold. her heart & her mind are too numb now. resolutions are like hope, they're far away, as far away as they could be.

what hope is she clinging to? tell me because i know i am. i know i am clinging to some hope. & all i want to do is let go, but i can't.


written on 2004-01-01 at 1:19 a.m.

she / lost